Tag Archives: weed

Say Yo to Drugs!

I snort coke like a vacuum
My nose is a Dyson
No nasal septum
Nostrils like Tyson

I try not to sniff it
Unless it is gifted
The product’s too pricey
The dealers’ too dicey

I burn grass
Like a cheetah
I crush pussy
Like PETA

Chicks back that ass up
Like cocaine does my bowels
Her pussy’s so wet
The motel’s outta towels

I don’t mess with meth
Ecstasy or MDMA
My mind’s crazy enough
I can’t stand PDA

Shrooms would be super
If it wasn’t food poisoning
From a cow’s pooper

We can drink, smoke, and drill
In my room if you’ll join me
You can try krokodil
‘Til you resemble a zombie

Your Vagina?!

I like chicks with self esteem
Not a chick who does everything
With a dude who says anything
To get his thing inside her jeans

I see you with those other guys
One or two at a time
Spreading legs and telling lies
Honestly, I don’t mind
Please exaggerate my penis size

Your vagina makes my penis cringe
I’d bang you if I’m on a binge
Weed, coke, and alcohol
I’ll enter you after last call

We’ll stumble home
You’ll give me dome
I’ll send you home
Don’t steal my gnome

Your vagina makes my penis shiver
DON’T TOUCH ME BITCH
I’LL PUNCH YOUR LIVER
I was cravin’ head and you deliver

Your vagina makes my penis weep
It keeps me up I’m trying to sleep
Teeth, claws, and tentacles
I think I saw some testicles

Your vagina makes my penis shrink
What’d you put in my drink?

I can’t believe you roofied me
I really hope you’re goofin’ me

Feelin’ woozy
Should throw up

Make it quick
Don’t wake me up

7 Reasons Why Justin Bieber is Jesus Christ!

In light of his recent troubles, it’s important to remember Justin Bieber really isn’t that bad of a guy. He’s actually the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.

1.Mark 7 Verse 32:
There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged Jesus to place his hand on him.

If that’s not perfectly describing someone resisting an open and shut D.U.I charge, then that cop three years ago had no right to arrest me.

2. Mark 7 Verse 33:
After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man’s ears. Then he spit and touched the man’s tongue.

I bet that dude was a pretty big fan of Jesus, what kind of messiah would spit on his fans?

He spit it and quit it

3. Luke 11 Verse 12 – 13:
Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!

Jesus loved to give people eggs as gifts. Ever hear of Easter? Sounds like whoever’s house got vandalized should thank Justin H. Bieber they didn’t get handfuls of live scorpions launched through their windows.

4. Matthew 26 Verse 52 states:
Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.

Sounds an awful lot like Justin crying “I ain’t got no fucking weapons” at the time of his arrest.

5. Matthew 2 Verse 11:
On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Bieber said when he got pulled over he had drank/ate/inhaled alcohol, prescription pills, and weed. Or as we call them in the modern world: Goldschlager, FrankinXanax and Myrrhijuana

6. James 1 Verse 17:
Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow

BELIEBE IN BIEBER FOR HE IS INFALLIBLE!

7. The Da Vinci Code states:
“‘That, my dear,’ Teabing replied, ‘is Mary Magdalene.’ Sophie turned. ‘The prostitute?’”

Okay, so this isn’t from the actual bible, and the quote is taken completely out of context, but whatever. The “fact” remains, Jesus and Justin love prozzies.

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