Roy Moore’s new campaign song just dropped. I got the exclusive!
In light of his recent troubles, it’s important to remember Justin Bieber really isn’t that bad of a guy. He’s actually the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
1.Mark 7 Verse 32:
There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged Jesus to place his hand on him.
If that’s not perfectly describing someone resisting an open and shut D.U.I charge, then that cop three years ago had no right to arrest me.
2. Mark 7 Verse 33:
After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man’s ears. Then he spit and touched the man’s tongue.
I bet that dude was a pretty big fan of Jesus, what kind of messiah would spit on his fans?
3. Luke 11 Verse 12 – 13:
Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!
Jesus loved to give people eggs as gifts. Ever hear of Easter? Sounds like whoever’s house got vandalized should thank Justin H. Bieber they didn’t get handfuls of live scorpions launched through their windows.
4. Matthew 26 Verse 52 states:
Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.
Sounds an awful lot like Justin crying “I ain’t got no fucking weapons” at the time of his arrest.
5. Matthew 2 Verse 11:
On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
Bieber said when he got pulled over he had drank/ate/inhaled alcohol, prescription pills, and weed. Or as we call them in the modern world: Goldschlager, FrankinXanax and Myrrhijuana
6. James 1 Verse 17:
Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow
BELIEBE IN BIEBER FOR HE IS INFALLIBLE!
7. The Da Vinci Code states:
“‘That, my dear,’ Teabing replied, ‘is Mary Magdalene.’ Sophie turned. ‘The prostitute?’”
Okay, so this isn’t from the actual bible, and the quote is taken completely out of context, but whatever. The “fact” remains, Jesus and Justin love prozzies.
EXCLUSIVE: Lindsey Vonn Caught “Skiing” at John Daly’s Winter Vacation Trailer.
I don’t think you’re supposed to ski when one pole is noticeably shorter and stubbier than the other.