Tag Archives: God

Censorshit!

I was banned from posting to the Explain Like I’m Five section of a website called Reddit. I was banned for posting a comment that was either deemed too offensive or too insulting, both by the person I directed the comment at and by a moderator of the website.  I’ll let my readers be the judge.

Offensive, Insulting or Both?

That's a weird way to say thank you!

That’s a weird way to say thank you!

Seriously though, my sincerest apologies to AnalToast for my remarks. Again, sorry, AnalToast, I can’t imagine what you, AnalToast, must be going through right now after having to read such depraved words. God bless you, AnalToast, and your crusade against filth…AnalToast.

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An Ode to Saint Baldrick’s

On April 12 I am shaving my head for a great FUNd raiser called St. Baldrick’s. They raise money to support grants, research, and awareness about children’s cancer. I like it a lot, and it does good things for good people. *CLICK HERE* for more information or to donate! Until then enjoy this poem.

Dear god, you suck
Cuz you give kids the cancer
Why god, why?
What is the answer?

Why, god why
Am I writing this letter?
You don’t exist
I should know better.

I normally write poems
About vaginas and dicks
This one’s not those ones
It’s time for St. Baldrick’s!

Sometimes I’m offensive
Cuz I think that it’s funny
So, I’m shaving my whole head
Now, give me your money.

I say my whole head
Cuz eyebrows are included
This gets me out of the house
Where I’m usually secluded.

Bacon’s supportive
That’s the name of my dog
He would shave too
But he’d look like a hog.

My beard will also go
I feel it’s a part of me
It took years to grow
Cuz I barely hit puberty.

I’ll look like a fool
I’m already a tool
Who barely passed school
I’m also not cool.

But I’m good at begging for money
To support a good cause
Though, I do it for me
I love the applause.

To all my dear friends,
Start making it rain.
Give me money now!
Or when I bug you again.

Unhappily Never After!

You married too old
From what I’ve been told
If you want a baby
The prognosis is maybe

A woman your age
Has lost half her eggs
He’s wasted his sperm
‘Tween too many legs

You’ll pray for a miracle
Like a flower from god
Desperation’s the seed
Blind hope is the sod

Even if you succeed
It won’t come out right
It’ll pet kittens too hard
It’ll hold rabbits too tight

The best years behind you
The worst ones are ahead
You’ll silently hate each other
Until one of you’s dead

Sure, the marriage was bad
The orgasms were forced
But the retard was glad
His folks never divorced.

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