Tag Archives: film

Mr. Hands 2: Of Horses and Men

TWICE THE HORSEPOWER OF THE ORIGINAL!

TWICE THE HORSEPOWER OF THE ORIGINAL!

A Boy And His Dong Starring Dog Johnson!

Me and my dog circa WWIII

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

Cuz We Got the Heat, We Got the Heat, We Got the Heat, YEAH! We Got It!

Me and my friends, Shmryan Shmacobs, Shmyle Shmilson, Shmike Shmroberts, and Shmohn Shmklistenskisne thought it was absurd that they stopped after only one Heat movie. It had such potential to be a major franchise. Here’s how we would’ve handled it:

Heat 2: Hotter

Any pussies are welcome to stay out of the kitchen.

Any pussies are welcome to stay out of the kitchen.

Heat 3:The Meltdown

Probably directed by Michael Bay

Probably directed by Michael Bay

Heat 4: Re-Heat

The gang's back together. A microwave bomb is the new pressure cooker bomb

The gang’s back together. A microwave bomb is the new pressure cooker bomb

Heat 5: Global Warming

Can Pacino and De Niro kill all the polar bears before the melting polar ice caps do?

Can Pacino and De Niro kill all the polar bears before the melting polar ice caps do?

Pre-Heat: The Prequel

See what the gang was like back when they were a little bit cooler.

See what the gang was like back when they were a little bit cooler.

Pre-Heat 2: Getting Warmer

This is ridiculous. I've never even seen the original film.

This is ridiculous. I’ve never even seen the original film.

Heat 6: Anal Lust

Prison's a lonely place.

Prison’s a lonely place.

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