Tag Archives: anal

Mr. Hands 2: Of Horses and Men

TWICE THE HORSEPOWER OF THE ORIGINAL!

TWICE THE HORSEPOWER OF THE ORIGINAL!

Censorshit!

I was banned from posting to the Explain Like I’m Five section of a website called Reddit. I was banned for posting a comment that was either deemed too offensive or too insulting, both by the person I directed the comment at and by a moderator of the website.  I’ll let my readers be the judge.

Offensive, Insulting or Both?

That's a weird way to say thank you!

That’s a weird way to say thank you!

Seriously though, my sincerest apologies to AnalToast for my remarks. Again, sorry, AnalToast, I can’t imagine what you, AnalToast, must be going through right now after having to read such depraved words. God bless you, AnalToast, and your crusade against filth…AnalToast.

Mister Sister Fister!

You’re girlfriend is a mister
He’s probably your sister
It’s hairy when you fist her
On his face, you jizzed her

You fucked her dry
You dissed her
You shouldn’t try
To kiss her
He swings,
You swing
You miss her

She took a dive
LaMotta v. Fox
You took three to five
In a steel barred box

You’re the prison’s pin cushion
Your butthole is sore
They’re barely pushing
Now who’s the whore?

(S)He’s dating some clown
All around town
While you’re getting fucked
‘Til white dicks turn brown.

Cuz We Got the Heat, We Got the Heat, We Got the Heat, YEAH! We Got It!

Me and my friends, Shmryan Shmacobs, Shmyle Shmilson, Shmike Shmroberts, and Shmohn Shmklistenskisne thought it was absurd that they stopped after only one Heat movie. It had such potential to be a major franchise. Here’s how we would’ve handled it:

Heat 2: Hotter

Any pussies are welcome to stay out of the kitchen.

Any pussies are welcome to stay out of the kitchen.

Heat 3:The Meltdown

Probably directed by Michael Bay

Probably directed by Michael Bay

Heat 4: Re-Heat

The gang's back together. A microwave bomb is the new pressure cooker bomb

The gang’s back together. A microwave bomb is the new pressure cooker bomb

Heat 5: Global Warming

Can Pacino and De Niro kill all the polar bears before the melting polar ice caps do?

Can Pacino and De Niro kill all the polar bears before the melting polar ice caps do?

Pre-Heat: The Prequel

See what the gang was like back when they were a little bit cooler.

See what the gang was like back when they were a little bit cooler.

Pre-Heat 2: Getting Warmer

This is ridiculous. I've never even seen the original film.

This is ridiculous. I’ve never even seen the original film.

Heat 6: Anal Lust

Prison's a lonely place.

Prison’s a lonely place.

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