Monthly Archives: February, 2014

Goin’ Colon Bowlin’!

I’m balls deep
In your butt’s hole
So balls deep
Where’d my nuts go?

My balls are in your colon
Cuz my dick is goin’ bowlin’

Like it’s name is Ed
Workin’ at the Stuckeybowl
Spin around and give me head
I’m tired of your yucky hole

Turn your yap into a sucky hole
‘Til sap comes out my fucky hole

I’ll lick your booty hole
To return the favor
Take my time to savor
Your salad dressing flavor

I’ll motor boat you in your stink eye
Go so fruity on your booty, I get pink eye

Don’t make eye contact
So that I can skeet
Now, go get some eye drops
From a store down the street

In Russia, Joke Tells You!

In honor of Team USA’s upcoming ice battle against Team Russia, here is a list of cultural differences between American/Canadian hockey and Russian hockey:

I heard Team Russia just signed Wario Lemieux.

It's a-me, Wario!

It’s a-me, Wario!

In Russian hockey, body checking is when they take a break to comb the arena for corpses.

I heard there’s so few women in Russia that most butt ending happens in the locker room.

In Russian hockey, penalty kills you.

The easiest way to go shorthanded at Sochi is to steal from the KGB.

In Russian hockey, puck smothers you.

I heard every hockey team at Sochi is encouraged to have a designated “sniper”. The only ice he sees is through a scope though.

TAKE THE SHOT!

TAKE THE SHOT!

In Russian hockey, shots slap you.

In case of a tie at Sochi, instead of a shootout, they have a FUCKING SHOOT OUT!

In Russia, a hat trick is when a toothless drunk man pulls a rabid bear out of an ushanka.

TAKE THE SHOT!

TAKE THE SHOT!

In Russian hockey, anything that results in “sudden death” is only a 2 minute minor.

The players better be careful, stick handling at Sochi can get you life in prison.

In Russia, poke checking is how ordinary citizens decide if the body they found by the Ural river is dead or alive.

Odd man rush is what Russians call our gay pride parades.

Your Vagina?!

I like chicks with self esteem
Not a chick who does everything
With a dude who says anything
To get his thing inside her jeans

I see you with those other guys
One or two at a time
Spreading legs and telling lies
Honestly, I don’t mind
Please exaggerate my penis size

Your vagina makes my penis cringe
I’d bang you if I’m on a binge
Weed, coke, and alcohol
I’ll enter you after last call

We’ll stumble home
You’ll give me dome
I’ll send you home
Don’t steal my gnome

Your vagina makes my penis shiver
DON’T TOUCH ME BITCH
I’LL PUNCH YOUR LIVER
I was cravin’ head and you deliver

Your vagina makes my penis weep
It keeps me up I’m trying to sleep
Teeth, claws, and tentacles
I think I saw some testicles

Your vagina makes my penis shrink
What’d you put in my drink?

I can’t believe you roofied me
I really hope you’re goofin’ me

Feelin’ woozy
Should throw up

Make it quick
Don’t wake me up

Chasing Papes!

I walk with a limp
Cuz that’s poop in my shoe
It ran down my leg
Bitch
What’s it to you?

Ain’t you got nothing better to do
Than stare at a dude
In beaucoup doo doo?

It began as a fart
Like I’ve never heard
Tore my anus apart
Plop! Plop!
Said the turd.

You think I’m hitting on you
That’s far from the case
Adele chases pavement
Like I’m chasing papes

Seriously girl,
You got any tissues?
This shit on my leg,
Is causing some issues.

A rash in my crack
I am that smell
No thank you ma’am
I will not rot in hell.

#Herpes!

My balls are so big
My penis looks small
When I sit down to pee
The pee hits the wall

Of course I am kidding
My balls are average size
But my penis is small
Compared to most guys

We met at a tavern
Vagina like a cavern
This feels like a sin
You’ll be unsure
If I’m all the way in

Of course it’s in there
Lost in your pube hair
This is regretful
Your vagina is dull.
And nowhere near full

It’s hungry like a hippo
It’s on fire like a zippo
This is not friction
It’s an affliction

It burns when it pees

Hashtag. herpes

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