I’m balls deep
In your butt’s hole
So balls deep
Where’d my nuts go?
My balls are in your colon
Cuz my dick is goin’ bowlin’
Like it’s name is Ed
Workin’ at the Stuckeybowl
Spin around and give me head
I’m tired of your yucky hole
Turn your yap into a sucky hole
‘Til sap comes out my fucky hole
I’ll lick your booty hole
To return the favor
Take my time to savor
Your salad dressing flavor
I’ll motor boat you in your stink eye
Go so fruity on your booty, I get pink eye
Don’t make eye contact
So that I can skeet
Now, go get some eye drops
From a store down the street
In honor of Team USA’s upcoming ice battle against Team Russia, here is a list of cultural differences between American/Canadian hockey and Russian hockey:
I heard Team Russia just signed Wario Lemieux.
In Russian hockey, body checking is when they take a break to comb the arena for corpses.
I heard there’s so few women in Russia that most butt ending happens in the locker room.
In Russian hockey, penalty kills you.
The easiest way to go shorthanded at Sochi is to steal from the KGB.
In Russian hockey, puck smothers you.
I heard every hockey team at Sochi is encouraged to have a designated “sniper”. The only ice he sees is through a scope though.
In Russian hockey, shots slap you.
In case of a tie at Sochi, instead of a shootout, they have a FUCKING SHOOT OUT!
In Russia, a hat trick is when a toothless drunk man pulls a rabid bear out of an ushanka.
In Russian hockey, anything that results in “sudden death” is only a 2 minute minor.
The players better be careful, stick handling at Sochi can get you life in prison.
In Russia, poke checking is how ordinary citizens decide if the body they found by the Ural river is dead or alive.
Odd man rush is what Russians call our gay pride parades.
I like chicks with self esteem
Not a chick who does everything
With a dude who says anything
To get his thing inside her jeans
I see you with those other guys
One or two at a time
Spreading legs and telling lies
Honestly, I don’t mind
Please exaggerate my penis size
Your vagina makes my penis cringe
I’d bang you if I’m on a binge
Weed, coke, and alcohol
I’ll enter you after last call
We’ll stumble home
You’ll give me dome
I’ll send you home
Don’t steal my gnome
Your vagina makes my penis shiver
DON’T TOUCH ME BITCH
I’LL PUNCH YOUR LIVER
I was cravin’ head and you deliver
Your vagina makes my penis weep
It keeps me up I’m trying to sleep
Teeth, claws, and tentacles
I think I saw some testicles
Your vagina makes my penis shrink
What’d you put in my drink?
I can’t believe you roofied me
I really hope you’re goofin’ me
Should throw up
Make it quick
Don’t wake me up
I walk with a limp
Cuz that’s poop in my shoe
It ran down my leg
What’s it to you?
Ain’t you got nothing better to do
Than stare at a dude
In beaucoup doo doo?
It began as a fart
Like I’ve never heard
Tore my anus apart
Said the turd.
You think I’m hitting on you
That’s far from the case
Adele chases pavement
Like I’m chasing papes
You got any tissues?
This shit on my leg,
Is causing some issues.
A rash in my crack
I am that smell
No thank you ma’am
I will not rot in hell.